"The Chosen One"

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” - Jeremiah 1:5

The other day, I was cleaning my home office desk as I always do from time to time (or when I can't see the bottom of my desk) when I noticed my "blue book" underneath a pile of paper.  For some reason, instead of placing my "blue book" in a safe place, I decided to go back into time & read it.

& what a journey that was!

The "blue book" is the notebook that I was told to use by my former therapist, Ms. Carpenter.  She suggested that it was a good idea to write any thoughts that came to mind regarding my childhood sexual molestation experience. So that I did.

Anyhoo, as I am reading through the entries, a particular passage stood out to me:

"He is the cause of my anger and unhappiness. He did it to me. He destroyed my innocence and took it with him when he died. I hate him soooo much for what he's done to me. I just wish I could be reborn again."

 I could not believe what I had just read.

Instantaneously, my eyes began to well up with tears. Happy tears. I realized something at that very moment. An "aha" moment!

You see, prior to becoming a believer of Christ, I despised the very name of God.  I even said out loud that I hated God & that I didn't believe in God. I even saw in my journal entry that I wrote that "me living good and happy wasn't in God's plan." So you can imagine the look on my face when I saw that sentence, "I just wish I could be reborn again".  I realized that I was desperately seeking God's deliverance. I needed him even though I did not necessarily know who he was at the time.  When I wrote that sentence, it was actually me professing to the God that I was tired of being in the darkness, I wanted to walk in the Light!

To see that sentence and look back on where I was mentally & spiritually to where I am now in my walk with Christ,  I can say now that my faithful God was with me all along!  He knew my desires and heard my cries! Reading that sentence was a revelation to me that I was not saved by mere luck!

No, I was CHOSEN.

Boy, am I glad he chose me.

Thank you Abba for saving a wrench like me. I am so grateful that you ways are not my ways.  I am in constant awe of the way you captivated my heart with you love & captured my soul. I am so joyful that I decided to follow you, there is no turning back! Thank you for your grace, mercy, lovingkindness, & faithfulness. I will surely bless your name at all times & let everyone in my path know that you are indeed an Awesome God.  Please help me find ways to further glorify your name.