Oopsie: Someone asked my opinion on a four-letter word.
LOVE: It’s Valentine’s Day and I know there are woman all over this beautiful planet feeling lost and worthless because they don’t have a man to bring them flowers or jewels or chocolate.
Let me tell you: a man or lack of man in your life is not a measure of your worth. It’s sad to me the emphasis we place on relationships. Yes, I want one. Yes, essentially everyone wants someone, “the one” to love them. God hardwired us to be that way. But it kills me-some women would rather be with someone who doesn’t deserve them than be alone. Maybe it takes being in a really awful, God-less relationship to get the resolve to never settle for less than the love I know God intends for each of us. That’s what it took for me at least.
But write this down somewhere you won’t forget it:
IF YA CAN’T BE HAPPY ON YOUR OWN YA AINT NEVER EVER GONNA BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE!!
LOVE: It’s Valentine’s Day and I know there are woman all over this beautiful planet feeling lost and worthless because they don’t have a man to bring them flowers or jewels or chocolate.
Let me tell you: a man or lack of man in your life is not a measure of your worth. It’s sad to me the emphasis we place on relationships. Yes, I want one. Yes, essentially everyone wants someone, “the one” to love them. God hardwired us to be that way. But it kills me-some women would rather be with someone who doesn’t deserve them than be alone. Maybe it takes being in a really awful, God-less relationship to get the resolve to never settle for less than the love I know God intends for each of us. That’s what it took for me at least.
But write this down somewhere you won’t forget it:
IF YA CAN’T BE HAPPY ON YOUR OWN YA AINT NEVER EVER GONNA BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE!!
The
desire for love from a man is not wrong. It is not a weakness. It is
not a flaw. It does not mean you want to “settle” or that you can’t
have a really awesome, blossoming career. Like I said earlier, I think
God hardwired us to be that way. Think about this: Genesis 1:16 says,
“Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.” (NIV).
Well what if I don’t have one? I can’t help but think that translates
into, “your desire will be for a husband.” I am not saying every woman
wants a husband RIGHT NOW but at some point most of us have thought
about it. No need to lie. No shame here.
In Captivating
Stasi Eldridge says it is part of our curse (thanks Eve) as women to
want or desire a man. That is where our ideas about that as a status of
success come from.So now we come to the crux of the problem…are you governed by your desire for a relationship?
If
you have trouble answering that question, let me help you. Who do you
dress for? Do you look at every man you meet as a potential husband?
Do you forego opportunities for great friendships because he isn’t a
perfect match for what you want in a husband? Do you question your
worth as an individual when your friends post pictures with their
boyfriend? Are you waiting for “life” to begin when you meet the
special someone?
If you answered yes to these questions ask yourself if a man or
boyfriend is really the fulfillment you are seeking or is it something
deeper, something more?So that I don’t sound like some hard, sanctimonious psycho let me tell y'all a little about me. I actually am the sappiest, most romantical, dreamer and softy in the world. I have a book of love letters (actually two). One is filled with love letters some of the most influential men throughout history have written to their ladies. I also have countless books of poetry spilling sweet words all over my home and I cry my eyes out every time I watch An Affair to Remember (my fave). In fact here’s my favorite poem:
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-William Butler Yeats
So obviously I am a sap. Judge me if you will. But I had a revelation recently. You see for a while I thought the reason I was so content with my life as a single gal was because I know the terror and trauma of heartbreak, but it’s something more, something greater and definitely something more beautiful.
Recently, while reading Love Letters of Great Men, I was actually thinking, “ugh I wish someone would write me a letter like this.” When I realized someone has, and does, and will every day for the rest of eternity. That man’s name is Jesus and his love letters to me promise everlasting life. Keats ain’t got nothing on that. In fact He inspired a book of love letters meant just for me. I have jokingly said many a time “I am married to Jesus” but I think there is something to be said for that idea. For most women, the validation or fulfillment they’re seeking from the opposite sex can only be achieved through God. If that is what you’re seeking in a man not only will you never find it but you’ll never have a good, healthy, stable relationship either. Ladies we should be so lost in God a man has to seek HIM to find US.
I can’t say that I believe this every second of every day or that I don’t dream about what life will be like when and IF God chooses to bless me but I am really happy to be single right now. I can say without faltering that I am the happiest I ever have been before. I know it’s because I am no longer seeking happiness through love from a dude. Because the truth is: no matter how much a man loves you, he will hurt you eventually. He will make you angry, make you cry and stir your emotions even when he adores you. We are people, just feeble humans. We are flawed and even with the best of intentions we’re never perfect. I find it interesting that in Hebrew the word for love also means mercy. Think about that in relation to every person you love… woof. Okay that is another conversation altogether.
My point is-the only one who will NEVER break your heart or let you down is our Heavenly Father, God. He is the fulfillment, satisfaction and validity we are all so desperately seeking elsewhere. His love is our hearts greatest desire. His awesome, majestic, unending, abundant and PERFECT love is even more than we desire.
It wasn’t until I realized this that I found peace and joy. People ask me all the time why I am so happy. I smile like I am in love. Well I am. I am a smitten kitten. I love love. I love my life. I love that God wants to court me. Yes make me swoon. He is the definition of all the words that come to mind when I think of my dream man. He is chivalry. He is gentlemanly. He is refinement. He is strength. He is power. He is splendor. He is masculinity. He is adventure. He is protector, provider and best friend. He is steadfastness. He is romance. He is weak knees, butterflies and yearning. He is security. He is comfort. He is laughter. He is rest and He is rejuvenation. He is excitement. He is passion. He is compassion. He is home. He…is LOVE.
The sooner we accept that we already have all we need to be happy, the better. Allow God to shower you with his love. It may sound crazy but I promise, it’s so worth it. Many men will promise to move heaven and earth for you, but only one truly can. God will show his love for you in ways you never even expected but also in ways that you know are uniquely designed and delivered for you and you alone.
A man might give me an armoire filled with sparkling jewels but he’ll never be able to give me millions of stars twinkling against a velvety night sky. NOW THAT IS LOVE!!!
God has given us this glorious earth, bursting forth with beauty to explore. Ah adventures. Maybe one day he will give me a worthy fellow explorer, some man to join me on my adventures. But until then, I am content, joyful, and beyond grateful to the only love I will ever need for the many ways he romances and woos me.
Still thinking about those flowers and chocolate you won’t be getting?
