Okay, enough with the third person talk.
I'm struggling. I'm stuck. And I believe I know the reason. You see, I know I was destined to be a writer since my says at elementary school. My teachers would always comment on my reports and English assignments with "Good job Fatima!" "You're a great writer Fatima!" I never would have thought that years down the line. God would want me to pursue writing as a profession. I mean, growing up in a Haitian household, I was never afforded that opportunity. There was only two routes to take: Medical or Law. If my mom had her way, it would be both. Accolades meant a lot to her. To her and many other Haitian immigrants who migrated to America for a better life, she wanted nothing more for me to be worth something, to have a good life. Education was the key to freedom.
Mine and Hers.
But I was so traumatized my prior college experience that I stopped learning, I stopped reading, I took me forever to write something! If it was too hard, I was not going through with it. So what happens to a natural scholar when you stop dreaming, learning, experiencing? You shrivel up. That's what happened to me. Now with the opportunity to go back to school, I realized that you can't hide your insecurities, failures, weaknesses behind a degree. Sooner or later, someone will find you out.
In the same way God found me out about ALL the excuses I made. All the times I said I was going to pick up my cross and follow Him by writing what he wants me to write on this blog He have me a vision for and I didn't. Every time I said no. I shriveled up. I deliberately ignored the voice of God. I knew what he required me but I willfully disobeyed. To me, the comfort zone was safe and I desired protection over PURPOSE.
I have realized that there is no place I would rather be in than in Gods will. So here I am, one blog post at a time, taking steps to achieve his GREATER purpose for my life. I am getting out of my OWN way and surrendering my cross, my heart, my failures, my strengths, and my weaknesses to Him.
I encourage you all to do the same.